Reality Uncovered

Axioms

2009-02-17T17:33:00.001-08:00

Below are just a few one liners that hit me throughout the day:

You don't have to make everything a joke, in order for life to be fun.

Women want to know, that you know what you want, and then they will decide if they want that.

When walking in darkness, it is easier to walk toward the light than away. (try it)

A person who has impenetrable skin will not let pain in, but he/she will also not let pain out.

Focus

2009-02-17T17:15:00.000-08:00

I often compare how things in nature relate to principles that are persistently controlling or leading our lives.

One day as I was riding with a friend, I was staring out the window as the background flew by. I noticed that as you focus on those things close to you(i.e. mailboxes, sidewalk, telephone pole, etc.) the objects beyond that point seemed blurry. Then as you focused on the objects in the distance, the closer ones obviously became blurry, hard to see. All of us are pretty aware of this concept. It is simple: it is hard to focus on more than one thing at once. Unless, of course, the objects are at the same distance.

This made me think of how we should live our lives and what should be important to us. Our lives are full of priorities; many different things that have an equal or almost equal importance. Examples would be family, friends, school, job, etc. These priorities can be hard to juggle, especially if by focusing on one, you lose focus on the other. Let me give an example. You hold your family as very special, important to you. You live by strong values and principles when it comes to your parents, siblings, spouse and children. But if your friendships do not reflect the same type of principles of honesty, integrity and trust; certain aspects of other relationships will become blurry. Soon you will see the two integrate and you will possibly sacrifice the sanctity of your familial relationships.

The key here is to make sure all your relationships are at the same 'depth perception'. That way you can focus on one thing, and not lose focus on another. Establish the same principles in all entities of your life. You will find that life is much more simple to understand and correct decision-making becomes easier and conflicts decrease.

Point of Truth

2009-02-10T22:39:00.000-08:00

Tonight I lie here reflecting the past few years. I reflect my decisions, especially the wrong ones I have made, the wrong paths I have trodden and the consequences that come with that. I ponder where I should be and why I am not there. Through all of it, one aspect rings true, a common denominator under each and every circumstance: the mistakes I made occurred because I went against what I felt was right. I acted as though I could cheat the system. Like I found a loophole.

We must all learn that there are no exceptions to that great rule: all blessings stem from the law to which it is predicated. Basically, do what is right and the right things will happen. Well this weekend I made a decision that was almost four years overdue. As much as I have avoided it and fought against the pricks, I finally made it and upon doing so, everything that was associated with that decision, made sense. It became clear.

You know, some of the most powerful words are "remember, remember". Most of our faults come because we do not remember the great lessons we have already learned. We forget what is right and how we felt when we found that answer. Then, of course, we make the same mistake, again. See forgetting has a dual purpose in our lives, for good and for evil, a blessing and a curse. It allows us to move on in life, to not 'live in the past' and in turn, be happy. If we all relived our mistakes and shortcomings daily, we would never feel worthy for happiness or be able to carry on a strong relationship. It would slowly eat away at us. So forgetting can be a blessing.

The curse comes when we choose to forget before we learn that particular lesson. Each mistake should also be accompanied with a lesson, a new principle to learn. But what if we choose to forget that experience before the principle is instilled into our mind, our heart, our own personality? Many people hate the fact that they have made a mistake, and they refuse to admit it to others and even worse, admit it to themselves. So in turn, they choose to forget about it as quickly as possible. Then later, when reconciled with the experience, they say things like "That is in the past" or "I just wasn't ready back then". What they do not realize is that if they do not learn from history, then history will repeat itself. We MUST confront every mistake or wrong choice we make. Find out what we did wrong, why it was wrong, what were we supposed to do, why were we supposed to do that, and how can I make up for it. If we do not do that, then lessons and even life, is lived in vain. We do not live in the past, but it is our past that makes who we are in the present.

Another great lesson I learned: we must let others make their own choices, and when we make choices, make them based on the present events/ circumstances/ situations and not on what things may be; if this happens or if that person changes. IF is a confusing and misleading word. The future can be a hundred different outcomes determined by an even longer list of variables. There is no way we can determine what will happen. So making a decision under those conditions, not very smart. Just remember, nothing is ever 'if', it just 'is'.

Marriage should be a Choice

2008-05-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

What makes a strong marriage I believe is not a union that you believe was brought together by some unnatural force, but a union that was directly decided upon by the two parties. Here is my logic. When things get rough, and they WILL get rough, depending on the amount of responsibility you personally had in getting together, it will vary how you treat the issue.

For instance, you will be much more likely to look to some outside force to place the blame if you believe something/someone else put you two together.[This could even be God or fate] But if you realize that you yourself made that decision, then you will be more likely to accept fault, and solve the issue. Because then, it is YOUR problem, not something or someone else's.

Let me try to paint a picture. This can be related to something as simple as spilling a drink. Who spilled it? Who cleans it up? If it is your drink, and you placed it in a bad position, if you knocked it over, you will most likely take the blame and then fix the problem(clean up the drink). If it is someone else's drink and they spill it, you obviously expect them to fix it, no matter how much it affects you(spills on your new carpet). And even if it is your drink and you spill it, but the other person placed it in a bad position, given a hint of someone else having the responsibility, you can easily and most usually place the blame or part of the blame on someone else.

The drink can be compared to as a miscommunication issue in a relationship. If it is completely your fault and can not be construed as anyone else's, you will most likely accept blame and fix it.(apologize and don't do it again) But for the most part, it is NEVER just one person's fault. This becomes complicated, people tend to place blame outwardly. Placing the milk in a bad spot, or in translation, not communicating as well in the first place. which leads to a larger issue of miscommunication.

It's all about self responsibility. So you, each of you, consciously make the decision to be together. Not because there is no one else out there for you(which in turn means you are forced to be with that person), but because THEY are the person you choose to be with. I feel it necessary to go into detail about the former sentence. How many married couples say to you or themselves, "He/she is the only person for me". And we of course, think 'Awww, that is so sweet'. May I suggest something. A thought. What if this was a bad thing. Maybe not completely bad, but in a way it is. See if there is only ONE person out there for you, then in a way, you are forced to be with that person. Does that make sense? Again, what I am leaning toward is a conscientious decision, that you want to be with that person strengthens a relationship.

Now what if our thoughts went something like this: "There are probably a few people that I could be happy with in life, but I choose you. I CHOOSE to stand by you through thick and thin, happiness and sadness. Not because I am forced to, not because I believe someone else thinks it is right, but because I want to. It is MY decision, and I accept full responsibility for my actions, both good and bad. I choose you, not because you are the only one, but because to me, you are the best one" I believe that having that mind frame will strengthen a couple's marriage from beginning to end.

You will be amazed of how much more responsible you will become throughout the relationship. Especially in solving issues and preventing them.

Self Esteem

2008-01-22T10:44:00.000-08:00

There are many who have a delusional view of self esteem.

It is not about thinking you are more or better than you actually are. There are some who think having a high self esteem means thinking they are prettier, smarter, etc. than they really are. This gives a falsehood about ones self. That is never a good thing.

The root of having high self esteem is knowing who you truly are. I call this 'self awareness'. Being aware of your thoughts, feelings, memories, and so on, so forth. The list goes on forever.

But self esteem is even more than that. See, it's not just about knowing who you are and being ok with it. That gives no sense of growth, no feeling to better yourself. That would be like saying, 'yeah, I am a bad husband or wife, I lack the ability to really appreciate my partner, but I am ok with it, because that's me'. See, again, just doesn't sound like the full truth of things. Something is missing.

So I have concluded that the following is what having a high self esteem is: It is about knowing yourself completely, even your imperfections, knowing how much you need to grow and change and improve, and being ok with that. Being ok with the fact you have a long road ahead of you. But you know two things, where you are on that road and that you won't stop traveling forward down that road.

Having a high self esteem takes a lot of work. Most people do not want to put in the time to do that. So they either lack it or fake it by bringing others down or changing what is actually 'right' in their world so they won't be 'wrong'. (that's probably a need for a whole new blog)

2007-12-27T19:55:00.000-08:00

There are three things that cause us to act or make decisions. Thoughts. Feelings. Emotions.
Thoughts- these are of course what we know, what we believe.
Feelings- these are more like impressions, gut feelings. They are easily confused with emotions.
Emotions- these are different than thoughts or feelings because they are the body and mind's reactions to situations.
Though thoughts and feelings aren't always dependable, emotions are rarely so. They teach our minds to be creatures to be acted upon, not creatures to act. This is a concept that I have found hard to explain in words. I will try to give an example:
Let's say you are in a relationship with someone. You have a date planned for Friday night and they cancel. Your 'thoughts' are that they haven't done that before, there must be a good reason. Your 'feelings' are, trust them. It will be ok. Your 'emotions' are angry. They tell you they are standing you up. That they must not like you as much.
I believe an example of a different nature would be good to hear also:
You just met a guy/girl. Your 'thoughts' tell you they don't quite 'fit' the type of person you would be happy with.(based on passed experience) You can notice things about their personality that just isn't a 'match' with yours. Your feelings are just move on. Don't get too involved. But your 'emotions' are 'oh, but I really like him/her'. Maybe things will change. I don't want to stop or give up yet. They will more than always lead you astray. On the rare occasion, emotions are aligned with our thoughts or feelings. Rarely.
Thoughts and feelings lead us to correct conclusions. They teach us to trust ourselves and make conscious decisions.
Emotions teach us to react to situations and the decision is already made. Yes, the decisions that emotions make are based on our past thoughts and feelings. But the problem with that is that the current situation is never the same as a past one. It would be like taking a headache medicine because your stomach hurts. Sure it is pain, but a different kind, and hence must be treated differently.

a gift and a curse

2007-12-27T19:19:00.000-08:00

So not sure if anyone has seen the TV show Monk. It is about a genius detective who has major OCD. It helps him solve cases but of course makes it hard for him to cope in society. He says it is 'a gift and a curse'.
I feel that way also about something. It seems that I have the ability to see a little deeper into things, a little past the obvious. In so doing, I see truth or 'non'-truths. It is great because it helps me realize what is right and what is wrong. But at the same time, it is depressing when no one around you sees those same things so clearly. Now when pointed out they see and understand. But not until then.
This may at first not seem like that big of a deal. But what if a friend, colleague, or worse, someone who you are in a relationship with, can not see these things. So they continuously do the wrong thing. Not only that, but they continuously don't see it. Now for most people this is ok. I believe most people are in a relationship with someone that is either as smart or as dumb as the other.(which ever way you want to look at it) That may sound like a bad thing, but it is good. That way the other person is on the same level. It is an equal relationship.
But let us be honest with ourselves. There are different levels of a relationship and definitely different types of people in those relationships. It isn't just if you are a good or bad boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. There are many different degrees.
The problem is this: as your degree in a relationship increases, and this is measured by many things, common sense, self sacrifice, understanding, listening ability, etc., the number of people who match that degree decreases. It is what they call an indirect relationship. As one increases, the other decreases. So your chances of randomly running into someone who is at your level, or someone you can really relate to and be in an equal relationship with, drastically lessens.
So referring to my statement earlier, it is a gift and a curse.

2007-11-17T07:58:00.000-08:00