What makes a strong marriage I believe is not a union that you believe was brought together by some unnatural force, but a union that was directly decided upon by the two parties. Here is my logic. When things get rough, and they WILL get rough, depending on the amount of responsibility you personally had in getting together, it will vary how you treat the issue.
For instance, you will be much more likely to look to some outside force to place the blame if you believe something/someone else put you two together.[This could even be God or fate] But if you realize that you yourself made that decision, then you will be more likely to accept fault, and solve the issue. Because then, it is YOUR problem, not something or someone else's.
Let me try to paint a picture. This can be related to something as simple as spilling a drink. Who spilled it? Who cleans it up? If it is your drink, and you placed it in a bad position, if you knocked it over, you will most likely take the blame and then fix the problem(clean up the drink). If it is someone else's drink and they spill it, you obviously expect them to fix it, no matter how much it affects you(spills on your new carpet). And even if it is your drink and you spill it, but the other person placed it in a bad position, given a hint of someone else having the responsibility, you can easily and most usually place the blame or part of the blame on someone else.
The drink can be compared to as a miscommunication issue in a relationship. If it is completely your fault and can not be construed as anyone else's, you will most likely accept blame and fix it.(apologize and don't do it again) But for the most part, it is NEVER just one person's fault. This becomes complicated, people tend to place blame outwardly. Placing the milk in a bad spot, or in translation, not communicating as well in the first place. which leads to a larger issue of miscommunication.
It's all about self responsibility. So you, each of you, consciously make the decision to be together. Not because there is no one else out there for you(which in turn means you are forced to be with that person), but because THEY are the person you choose to be with. I feel it necessary to go into detail about the former sentence. How many married couples say to you or themselves, "He/she is the only person for me". And we of course, think 'Awww, that is so sweet'. May I suggest something. A thought. What if this was a bad thing. Maybe not completely bad, but in a way it is. See if there is only ONE person out there for you, then in a way, you are forced to be with that person. Does that make sense? Again, what I am leaning toward is a conscientious decision, that you want to be with that person strengthens a relationship.
Now what if our thoughts went something like this: "There are probably a few people that I could be happy with in life, but I choose you. I CHOOSE to stand by you through thick and thin, happiness and sadness. Not because I am forced to, not because I believe someone else thinks it is right, but because I want to. It is MY decision, and I accept full responsibility for my actions, both good and bad. I choose you, not because you are the only one, but because to me, you are the best one" I believe that having that mind frame will strengthen a couple's marriage from beginning to end.
You will be amazed of how much more responsible you will become throughout the relationship. Especially in solving issues and preventing them.
